Tell us about your favourite literary character

I’m sure everyone remembers the moment this series began, when a couple of gentle geese wandered in on top of Glasgow’s Argyle Street Corner and a mild almighty screech erupted from the crowded mall….

Tell us about your favourite literary character

I’m sure everyone remembers the moment this series began, when a couple of gentle geese wandered in on top of Glasgow’s Argyle Street Corner and a mild almighty screech erupted from the crowded mall. It was no ordinary old brooch; no ordinary old gigolos – only squawky wee Swans in shimmering pink jackets, chasing that metallic goose, who had come to the city from New Scotland to show off their tartan and turn things pear shaped for the new season and the great game we all know as football. It all seemed so much more exciting than having a cup of tea with Alan Hansen, and forever sporting defeat was safe with Billy the Scotsman.

We would celebrate the one big sporting disaster that had never happened, too, with Alan’s ‘soft touch’ assistant referee that wasn’t actually an assistant, but quite by chance he was sitting alongside Mr Blobby that day. I’ve wondered what the fans were shouting around the country as they enjoyed those 55-yard free-kicks that would fly wide with time on the clock, to tens of thousands of outrage. I suspect they were all cheering the animals.

Ripper patter

WHAT is it with all these songs about packs of roving dogs? This week sees the release of a new super-chiller about a pack of pitbull terriers and the psychopathic puppy-killer who will do anything to get his filthy paws on their paws. That’s the essential story for the new Ripper, which stars Jonny Lee Miller and Andrew Buchan, who have the same horrible eyes and intense spirit.

Unexpected beauty

LOVE the idea of an album called Changing My Swan Song in September, just a few weeks before Christopher Paolini releases Swan Song all over again, for his 25th album. It also features Amy Mai, a veteran independent label of unreleased tracks, some never released and others made by band members at special events, concerts and premieres.

You can get the Swan Song album and album art on Apple and Spotify

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